Broken Crocus

Spring Crocus in bloom
Broken under careless foot
Beautiful still

Sunday, July 4, 2010

1-800 Are you kidding me?


So all these conglomerized companies have a web site and a 1-800 number. Well, I opted to try the web site, because even though I'm somewhat tech-challenged, I've called that 1-800 number before, only to wind up talking with someone who is unknowing and haughty about it.

One time I called a company we'll call PC to ask for more information about a product, only to be told the product didn't exist because it wasn't on her list. It was there, in my hand as I spoke with her. I read the product info directly off the package. But apparently I was living in some other dimension at that moment because the product I was holding, I was repeatedly assured, did not exist. *tweet tweet*

Hoping to avoid that bizarre dimension again, I went to the web site and clicked on "contact us." Of course, it wasn't that simple ~ there are hoops to jump through. But finally I got to an email box that told me to just go ahead and pour my heart out. Fortunately, I didn't waste that much time, but I did state the problem, then I hit "submit." It wouldn't accept my comments though, because I hadn't put my full name and address, only my email addy. OK... so I searched for those little boxes where you can put the required info. There just weren't any... not up, not down, not sideways... no boxes. So I typed in the required info under my name and hit "submit." Nope. Hehe... very tricky. Get consumers to get it all off their chests and then don't accept their comments. Interesting PR strategy.

So... yep... I called the 1-800 number. The first thing they made me do was listen to a very loud, long commercial for their freakin' mac n' cheese product (which no one in our house will EVER use) before taking me to an "expert." I told her, if consumers are grumpy by the time they get to her, they have ample reason. I regaled her with my web site adventure and suggested she tell her bosses to deep six the damned phone commercial, if only to save wear and tear on people like her. I went light though... afterall, this isn't the CEO on the phone. T'would that it t'were.

No, I'm on the line with only a company expert. Right. Now, there was a time in my life when I thought people who were supposed to be experts would actually know something, but I'm thinking I was just young and naive myself and wanted to believe in faeries... I mean.. experts. I remember my dad saying about experts: "X is a sign for an unknown quantity and a spurt is a drip under pressure." It comes back to me at regular intervals somehow.

Sure enough, on the other end of the phone is a young... may I say... blonde. (C'mon, you know what I mean.) She sounded... um... perky. I was really in no mood, but I asked her if her company carries a gluten-free mayo product. She responded that they're not allowed to say anything is gluten-free, but if there was gluten in the product in question, it would have the wheat or other grain mentioned on the label. (Because, of course, I'm really stupid and didn't read the label before calling.) *sigh*

Ok, patience... Thing is, I have Shauna James Ahern's book, gluten free girl, sitting beside me wherein she's written about "hidden" sources of gluten, such as corn dextrin, so I say so. The girl repeats her schpeal. I repeat, "but there could be other sources..." and again, she repeats her well-rehearsed schpeal. Clearly I'm speaking to a perky programmed 'droid. Great. Of course, Einstein's definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result. Clearly I'm floating dangerously close to this space.

I gave up. What else? It's probably what these companies hope we'll all do ~ just give up in exasperation. Only the bottom line matters, so why waste time on consumer questions? *sigh* So I gave the girl my address when she asked, so she could send me coupons. See, 'cause that's what they do... you have a problem, they send coupons ~ for products you don't even want. (But hey, maybe the BIL can use them, eh?)

So I have to face it. The gluten-free mayo I bought in the health food section of my local grocery store may be a little overbearing, but I'm going to have to get used to it. At least the cider vinegar that makes it taste so strong is good for me. *sigh*

People. What a species.

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